He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
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