I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize
