dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
