you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
