I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
