i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
