I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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