She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
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