when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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