yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
