she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
