yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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