i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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