Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Randomize
