tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
