So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Randomize
