Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
