You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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