what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize