Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
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