I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
