My hair reeks of homosexuality.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
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