i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
