3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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