I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
That accounts for only three of the penises
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Randomize
