Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
