Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Randomize
