Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
