he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
