I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Randomize
