Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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