I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
