(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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