I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Randomize
