If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
