I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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