My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
i dont even know how to be here
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
