did you get engaged???
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
