Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
