I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
