Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
