Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Randomize
