unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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