just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
