I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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