you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
You've changed since you got that strap on
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
