how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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