I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
