I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Randomize
