I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
