OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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