i just wanna soil my oats bro
he wants to bone in the snuggie
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
