just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
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